anxiety meds

     My new form of anti-anxiety “medication” is John 15: “I am the vine, you are the branches. . . Abide in me and I will abide in you. . . I say this so that your joy may be complete.”  
     I can sit and meditate in heaven on this passage for an hour at a time.  I can even shout out exclamations like, “Mary, can you please get the bagels for Leigh?” and get right back to it without breaking the flow!
     It’s as though I am being invited to a new level of trust and letting go; a new level of divine intimacy; a new level of joy.  It is therapy and medication all in one.
   The thing that stands out the most to me about it is how humble Christ is.  In general, I feel vulnerable; my fears and anxieties spring from this vulnerability.  But Christ himself is saying that He is a vine.  Even an amateur gardener such as myself knows that vines are very, very vulnerable.  I work hard to keep my tender vines alive and thriving.  Frost, animals, bugs, and yes, toddlers–vines face many foes.
     But Christ is saying, be vulnerable, as I am vulnerable, and just stick with me.  Abide in me, and me alone, and you will be okay.  If you do not abide in me and be vulnerable with me, you will be worth nothing at all–only worth feeding a fire.  But your worth comes in being alive in my presence and caring about nothing in the world but loving me.  For me, that is easy, and it is does not require me becoming stronger than I am, more self-protective than I am–it only requires my sincerity and dependence on Him.  I just love that.