my box

     As mentioned earlier, Ron called attention to the fact that my “box” in my center can collapse and other people’s feelings or experiences can come right in.
     I have been SO ENJOYING working on my box!  I sometimes have to ask, “How am I actually doing?”  It is so strange when I realize I am doing WELL!  Instead of betraying Ron or his parents who might not be, it is actually a gift to them that I am doing well.  I have joy and pleasant-ness to offer, and they actually appreciate it.  That shocks me.
     I feel like I am in bootcamp.  I am learning from scratch what I have never known before.
     Today, I got upset because I thought a) my homeschool is failing, b) my marriage is taxed because of Ron’s Mom, c) my kids are not doing well, d) I have no church, e) I am not accomplishing what I wish I were, and that is just for starters.
     Then I realized (drawing on my prayer experiences of John 15, referenced before), “I am so CONTENT!  I am HAPPY!  I have everything I really need and want!”  It is really, really helpful and blissful for my spiritual life to be in place when things around my are flagging.  I spent all day working on school plans for next year, plans to help build a parish here, and letting my happiness be contagious for my husband and children.  In fact, at the end of the day, it is all better.  All these areas are improved, and it is just from letting other things fall apart and realizing that I am not the same as those other things.  I am strong when they are not.  And then, rather than betraying them, I am helping them!