I have long wished to be a saint, and have long struggled with the fact that I am not yet one.
I have had various goals: praying more regularly and often, offering up pains and discomforts becoming a habit, not defending myself when wronged, and accepting the minor humiliations that come to me.
But I am left, still nowhere near being a saint.
Today I had a moment of insight, as to how to proceed with my pursuit of sanctity. (God help me!)
It is to need Jesus, all day, every day. I desire to feel a need for God, a need that never ceases.
Mary told Catherine Laboure that she has many gifts from her Son that she has in her possession, ready to give those who ask. She said that she is saddened by the many gifts that people never ask for. The Miraculous Medal depicts rays of light, shining from heaven to earth. Some of the rays, however, do not radiate. When Catherine asked Mary about them, she said that they are graces that people do not ask for.
I wear this medal every day.
I am asking for this grace: to feel the need for Jesus every day.
I am asking for the grace to go to Mass every day, and at Mass, throwing my needs upon Christ’s altar. I am asking that Jesus give me there the portion of grace I need everyday, like manna for me in the wilderness.
I have a good friend, Patricia, whom I know feels the need for Christ all day every day. In all of the trials of life, this sweet gift has resulted. It is hard to appreciate gifts in a trial, but this is one that will shine with her for all eternity.
I think this is a tremendous gift. We are all beggars before God, at His mercy. Yet we often feel so independent. This is a true block to God. God, help me to feel poignantly my need for you, and to have faith that the answer, the satisfaction of this need, is found only and entirely in You.